Since I began working as a child psychologist and play therapist, I noticed that many times parents do not have the necessary attention. They don’t have a space where they can feel comfortable asking their questions, expressing their experiences or searching for solutions. Supporting parents will help them have more places to turn to, where they’ll find solutions to their doubts, they’ll know they are raising their children according to their physical, emotional and mental development. They can be more conscious that changes need to be made from each family member and not just from the children. Many of the parents do not want to change, but they are many that want to. So, what’s happening to those who want to change? They don’t know where to seek for help, or when they find it it’s not serious or plentiful for the necessities they have.
I made a survey thinking about the present situation parents are going through. Thirty parents answered it. I’m very grateful with each one of them. The aim was to recognize their necessities, their worries, their feelings, if they would like to participate in a parent’s group and what would they like this group to include.
From all the topics in the survey self-esteem and emotions appeared frequently. These two and happiness are what concerns parents the most. They want their children to be happy with their lives and doing what they like. This happiness depends on the self-esteem they’ll have which it can improve or worsen depending on what they feel and how they manage it. Parents hope their children will have a future where they are independent and respectful. The themes that obtain a lower percentage in the survey are also important because they are also a big concern. Bullying, shyness, videogames, anxiety to separation, aggression, lack of patience and social life are present in children and adolescents lives, they modify and affect them.
It’s interesting how 50% of parents often feel guilty for the problems their children have. A 3% feels guilty always, a 10% feels guilty almost always, a 34% feels guilty hardly ever and a 3% never feels guilty. Why it’s important to know this? Because many times guilt doesn’t let us find new solutions, it brings more uncomfortable feelings and creates a hostile environment at home. Usually this guilt is not express with the family or even outside it. It’s something that it’s not permitted to feel or talk about, creates punishment towards ourselves and do not let us see clearly what’s going on.
When parents don’t feel proud of what they’ve done a 29% feels guilty, another 29% gets mad with himself/herself and a 26% feels sad. Feeling these emotions it’s normal, what’s difficult it’s to know how to manage them. All three are emotions we colloquially call “negative”. But it’s not negative to feel them, on the contrary. Feeling them helps you being able to learn and to be aware of what’s happening around you.
What can we conclude about all these facts? They don’t just make us comprehend present necessities parents have, but they also help us create guides, groups, materials they can use. Most parents don’t know where to find help; others don’t trust the professionals and many believe they can deal with the situations.
Thanks to all the answers and to the parents that come to sessions with me, I have been able to start organizing a parents group in Madrid. This group will be different from the “Escuela para padres”, it’ll be a space where they’ll find respect, topics they’re interested in, and most important of all the member’s will be able to participate and express their experiences, difficulties and questions about their child’s development.
Details about the group coming soon! Don’t miss it!
Please share with me your doubts, concerns, difficulties you need to express and don’t know where to do it. Essentia Integral will understand and receive you with open arms!